Creating Boundaries Can Be Good For Us.

Boundaries

            When I think about the world that we currently live in, it makes me question so many things. We used to have a world where our neighbors were our friends, instead of keeping up with the John’s, we helped each other out, or rather than putting each other down people knew that they had someone to lean on, depend on, and count on in some way. Now this was many, many years ago, but as the world grew into the beautiful chaos that it is now, we have learned the opposite of those things. I’m not saying that people don’t still have these opportunities within their life, but it’s so much harder to find it now. It blows my mind how we have normalized so many things in our own world and it is so unbelievable to me that we as humans have had to put up with so much that it’s something that we don’t even blink an eye at anymore. The funny thing is that we do this not just for our family and friends, but with the people we just walk or live around, the ones that we coexist with. 

            I used to think as I was growing up that the adults knew best and why question something that seems to work for everyone around me. We could walk through a store and hear a child getting yelled at, being told “If you don’t stop, I’ll give you a reason to cry.”, or witness a parent smacking their kids upside the head. We could feel the tension as you walked through the school halls because we didn’t truly know who was having it harder at home. We could literally have our parents sign a piece of paper to have our school punish us with a paddle that had holes in it to help with wind resistance. We heard “Do as I say and not as I do” more than having appropriate role models to live by. We believed that the more money you have the better off that person is, or the harder a person struggles the weaker they are. We all grew up in a time where these things were normal to witness, and honestly, I still think a lot of people still do think these things are normal, but why? Were people to scared to notice that all humans have emotions, or to uneducated to know that we aren’t born to know how to handle those said emotions? Were we to embarrassed to ask questions or to prideful to step in when we all knew something wasn’t right? Were we too busy to discuss what is right and wrong or to emotional unstable ourselves to help fix the problem rather than create a bigger one? Were we to egotistic to show others how to act rather than expecting people to act differently than us? Were we to weak ourselves to know that everyone’s life will always have a different outcome no matter how hard the other person is trying? Or maybe we were just to suck in our ways to create a new path for chance? As I continue to grow older each day, one word has changed this perspective for me, one word has created a space where I can feel free, and one word has helped open so many doors for my new path. This word can be used for all ages, kiddos, and adults, and this one word is something, that we all need to learn how to accept and renormalize this world we live in, that word for me is Boundaries.

            But what are boundaries? They are these little demands that we hold true to ourselves for the things that we deem acceptable for how we are treated/talked to, and we then expect everyone else in the world to follow them even if they don’t agree with them. These simple little things can be so different to everyone that uses them, but there are people that don’t even think about using them. These people that don’t use them probably don’t even know what they are or how to uphold them for their selves, so they just accept what everyone dishes out like it’s some buffet that we were forced to eat at. But can you ask yourself what is the limit that you will take to uphold these boundaries in your life? Would you be willing to walk away from a job, boycott a specific brand, or disconnect from your loved ones? Sadly, I used to be a part of that group of people who didn’t use boundaries in their life, but now I have realized that I have been missing out on so much self-value that I deserved to give myself. When I was younger, I never was introduced to boundaries, they were something that just didn’t exist in the world that I was living in. I was always told that we must accept what is given to us especially when it comes to family. Growing up in a house where personal space or acceptance for what everyone is needing or wanting in life wasn’t valued as a necessity caused me to learn a dangerous way to live life as I entered adulthood. In my early childhood I was made to do what was expected of me, I never felt like I had a safe place to release my inner self, to express my true feelings or share my true experiences, I just accepted how I was treated by everyone around me while developing a sort of fix a bitch mentality. I have always allowed people to stay or come into my life that did things or said things to me that I didn’t 100% agree with. I just allowed myself to push down my own feelings, my own needs, and my own wants because I was too scared to say the things, I need to say due to the consequences that would come with it. I didn’t want to be the reason that I ended up alone and I was terrified of the fact that some of these people weren’t willing or capable to stop the things that were cutting me so deep. I put up with this way of living for so long that when I learned what boundaries were I felt so overwhelmed with the thought of having that much control of my own needs.

I know it sounds crazy, but boundaries were terrifying to even think about creating let alone implementing them into my life. I didn’t even know where to start if I implemented to many would it be overbearing or if I created boundaries that were “too much” what would people think. I have now learned that there is no right or wrong boundaries if it’s what you need or want. I know that I want to be respected not only with a vocal way, but also in an action way for example, don’t expect me to pick up after you or cater to you all relationships are a 100% thing you make just as much of an effect that I am. I know that I want to feel loved, wanted, and needed in life. I know that I now need my space to cope with things, and that I am just as valued as the next. I know that I don’t want to have my struggles brought up constantly like some type of dagger that you just want to twist whenever you want. I know that I need the people in my life to respect my space not only in physical form but also mentally. I know that if I don’t want to respond to someone I don’t have to, and if I want to stay home in my comfort that is okay. I know that I believe that everyone deserves a safe environment to figure their selves out, and I know that me speaking out about things that bother me is okay. I know that I refuse to sit back and allow someone else to tell my truths, and that no matter what in life I deserve people in my life that accept me for me with the good and the bad no matter how ugly to bad was or can be because I’m not perfect, I never claim to be but honestly no one truly is. With all the boundaries that I have created for myself I have also learned the depth of heart ache that these boundaries can cause for you. I have lost many friends through life because I didn’t see the respect or effort, as well as family members that I had to cut ties with because they just continued to walk over my boundaries and not think anything of it. It’s hard trust me, and sometimes I think that if I just allowed it or swept it under that rug I worked so hard to clean out, I could still have them in my life, but then it would really just be me that’s getting hurt with no reproductions. I don’t want to live a life where I am the only one that must hurt, or where I am the reason that these things continue to be broken. I wanted to be respected and loved for all my needs and wants in life and honestly if it too much for someone else to follow then I don’t deserve to have to put up with it. Creating these boundaries in my life have been a rollercoaster of mixed emotions, but I do know that I have felt the most peace in my life in just this short time then I have in my entire life. I just keep reminding myself that if anyone is worth fighting for it’s me and if I can’t uphold my own wants and needs for the life that I am living then what makes anyone else think that they must follow them. My advice to those trying to figure out life is create those boundaries, big or small, uphold them to your highest self, and when the time comes, because it will, hold on tight to your consequences no matter how much it hurts because in the end this is your life that your living people can come and go but you will always be suck living the same life if you don’t stand up and change it.

Stay True and Full of Boundaries

            -Struggles